Several times in the past couple of days, I have had the opportunity to participate in some good discussions with a few people. In those conversations, I was able to share some words of wisdom that believe were a help.
Sheila was busy on Saturday, so I took some time away from her to attend a group discussion advertised on meetup.com. The name of the group was Question Everything, and the topic was "Is 50 Shades of Grey reflective of a culture that has become warped & perverted?". The meeting took place at a Panera Bread restaurant in Knoxville west of downtown.
I ordered lunch and sat down with the group. The group was made up of a variety of people. Across from me, there was a retired school teacher and a lady retired from an IT job at a community college. To my right, there were two men in their late 20s, and later an older couple sat down. To my left, there was a young mother who said she had a daughter old enough for "the talk". After a while, to her left an older gentleman sat down for a while who spoke with a heavy European accent and talked about immigrating.
This diverse group of people discussed the movie and what it says about the condition of American culture. About halfway through, I asked if anyone else besides me had heard the following statement. "A man must have sex to feel love. A woman must feel love to have sex (and be gratified)." I made the point that the central desire of all people is really just to be loved by someone, even if they don't realize that is their driving force.
If a man tries to have sex often with many new partners, he is really seeking to know if this one will love him or that one will love him. He is rather like a blind person wandering about, feeling his way around, because men seem to be wired to only be able to recognize physical beauty. When a man sees a beautiful woman, he equates the feeling with love.
When a woman consents to have sex with a man she just met or engage in acts of perversion to please the man (the group discussed several examples), she does this because she wants the man to love her. She thinks that by pleasing the man physically, she will be able to get the emotional response that she so desparately needs. This desire is so intense, she is willing to do just about anything to make a connection with the man on an emotional level. How devastating it must be for a woman to give herself to a man who doesn't make that connection! I can understand the disappointment she feels when a man with whom she has made love doesn't call or show any other follow-up interest.
My words must have struck a chord with the other participants in the meeting. There were stunned faces all the way around the tables where we sat. I received several positive comments from the ladies and even from the guys both at the meeting, in the parking lot after the meeting, and since the meeting on social media.